


Cold gaze

by tarori



Series: Dark Souls: Bad Things Happen Bingo [1]
Category: Dark Souls (Video Games), Dark Souls III
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Trust Issues, being watched, mentions of the Sunfirstborn, or more like the after effects of being watched every day by your friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:15:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25861180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tarori/pseuds/tarori
Summary: After a month of being watched by the Lord's Blade, Ornstein can't bear to have his loyalty put in doubt anymore.
Relationships: Lord's Blade Ciaran & Dragon Slayer Ornstein
Series: Dark Souls: Bad Things Happen Bingo [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1876606
Comments: 13
Kudos: 23





	Cold gaze

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fic written for the Bad Things Happen Bingo from tumblr which you can find here: https://badthingshappenbingo.tumblr.com/
> 
> To see the current state of my card you can go here: https://taroris.tumblr.com/search/badthingshappenbingo

Ornstein could feel her eyes on him, as he has been feeling them over a month. Someone could say that he was used to it after so many years of friendship and time spent together, but no. 

Indeed, he was used to a friendly gaze, one that enjoyed teasing him, one that loved to tell him about her day or gossip about weird things she found about the nobility, but he wasn’t used to her eyes being used as a weapon against him. 

Never before, her eyes have felt like a dagger, so sharp and cold, lingering over his throat and awaiting for him to make one false move. It was unfamiliar, as everything that has been happening around lately. 

The last thing he wanted at that moment was to sound weak, and so, Ornstein needed a second to close his eyes and recollect himself after thinking about the past days. When he opened them, breath calmer and eyes fixed on the full moon up the sky, he decided it was time to put an end.

“Come out.” He commanded dryly, not daring to lower his gaze and face the smashed statue from the altar. “I know you are here.”

The parish was submitted in a dead silence, as every other part of Lordran with a similar shrine. Nobody visited them anymore as there was no one who wanted to take care of them, and even if it has been roughly a month from that fateful day, the dust and weeds were starting to claim him. It was a distressing sight, but, after all, it was what he deserved.

The rustle of a leather armor was the only thing that broke the silence, since Ornstein was as rigid as the statue he missed to see and holding a breath after the overwhelming thoughts that were starting to invade his mind.

Ciaran walked to his side, keeping a few steps apart for good measure in case he had a hidden weapon. Ornstein wasn’t wearing his armor, but instead rather discreet clothes. It was to easily sneak out of the castle and not get the attention of the patrolling guards with his shiny reflection and clicking sounds. With only a look, she knew that he was leading her on purpose to this very altar, and so she ordered all the other Blades guarding with her to remain in Anor Londo.

Unlike Ornstein, she was brave enough to look at the remaining base of the statue, where only his feet could be seen. “How did you know?” 

Her voice was equally as cold as her eyes. It felt like a stab of pain.

“How couldn’t I know that?” He asked back, tone filled with a false stoicism. “Everyday, you felt like a cold presence by my side.”

Ciaran hummed, accepting his answer. Sometimes targets expected to be followed, sometimes targets knew someone was watching them, no matter how good the Blades did their job. And after being used to each other's presence, it wasn’t a surprise that Ornstein could feel her easily.

“This is what you wanted, right?” Ornstein asked after a while. “For me to make a mistake and show that I still have faith in him.”

“I have no desires. I’m just following orders.”

“Orders…” He huffed. “No, as everyone else, you are afraid that I’m going to betray Lord Gwyn.”

Ciaran turned her head to meet his eyes, so full of pain that made her stomach shrunk. It happened sometimes, when the target was a pregnant woman or a young boy with a whole life ahead of him. But no matter how distressing the situation was, the job was the job, and it had to be done. She breathed slowly, as she had learned to keep her composure and set her feelings aside.

The next thing Ornstein did didn’t take her aback. He walked ahead to kneel in front of the statue, hands folded in a plea gesture, and murmured a prayer. Ciaran knew it was one, but it was voiced so quietly that she couldn’t make out any word.

“Ornstein…” Her voice came out in a thread, hand reaching unconsciously to her tracer. “What are you trying to do?”

After a while of no answer, Ornstein caressed the stone with a shaky hand. It was hard to do it. But he needed to touch something that once belonged to him. The prayer made him feel a warmth in his chest, maybe because of the familiarity of it. He needed to feel that familiarity. After all, everything had changed overnight. And now it was going to change once more.

“Here you have the proof,” he announced after rising from the floor, defiantly turning to face her. “You have seen me praying to Lord Gwynsen. And you have heard me saying his name. Now, you can take me back to Anor Londo and make me face the consequences of my betrayal.”

It has been the first time he has said his name after a month. And he couldn’t have thought it would have such a huge effect on him. There was an aching in his chest, and his lower lip was starting to tremble, but he needed to keep it together. As he has been doing all these days, to avoid more looks, to avoid more suspicions. 

But he was tired of pretending, he was tired of not being trusted anymore.

With his banishment, he was put in doubt, relegated from all his duties, grounded to pointless office work, and left out of every meeting, in fear he was a spy. Whenever he went, eyes were upon him and conversations faded. Whenever he went, he was followed by the Blades, by Ciaran, keeping track of every little action, of every glimpse of emotion. He was watched from day to night. And he wouldn’t discard that he was even watched in his sleep.

But what pained him more, was that the people he thought were his friends, didn’t trust him anymore. Gough stopped contacting him, Artorias no longer treated him like a brother, and Ciaran… Well, she looked like she was going to incapacitate him in any second.

But under the shadow of her mask, Ciaran blinked after his words, taking in sight how weak and tired Ornstein seemed to be. Something about his way of acting didn’t seem right.

“You know well that many have been taken to the executioner’s hammer by far less,” she said, face pale and a nasty feeling making her stomach hurt. “I’m going to ask once. Why are you doing this?”

He wanted to answer, but the words got caught in his throat. He wanted to say that it was because his honor has been smashed to dust, because his pride was big enough to not let him be treated like a stinky dog, because he was hurt like he hasn’t ever been, because he couldn’t live with the idea of hating the only person he treasured the most and the people he loved didn’t trusted him anymore.

Instead, he turned his face, brown frowned and eyes looking at the floor.

The conflict in his face made Ciaran feel terrible. And all of a sudden, her resolve to bring any traitor to justice vanished like a ghost. She couldn’t do it to him. She couldn’t do it to Ornstein. She couldn’t bear the weight of sentencing her friend to death. 

Instead, Ciaran released the handle of her tracer and reached for his arm, in the usual gesture of conform they used to share.

“I’m so sorry, Ornstein,” she murmured. “I was so blind by my anger that I couldn’t see that you...”

At the sudden touch, his body went rigid. A tender hand was the last thing he would have expected from her at that moment. He didn’t know what to do, so he stayed still, feeling that annoying lump in his throat and trying to breathe as calm as he could.

“How could you even be a traitor? I am so dumb… To think you were...” Ciaran breathed a shaky whimper. “I won’t take you to Lord Gwyn, and I’ll order the Blades to stop watching you from now on.”

“Ciaran… No,” he whispered, eyes fixed in the dark holes of her mask. “Bring me to him. You’ve seen what I’ve done. I… I can’t...”

She stopped touching Ornstein, and her face contorted in concern. She met his eyes, dark and glassy, and she hated herself for putting the pressure of being watched by the Blades upon him. Ornstein was broken, more than anyone, and since the first day from the banishment he was judged without a chance to prove him right, that he was as betrayed as anyone else, if not more.

“Ornstein, I won’t do that to you, I can’t.”

“And what is it, Ciaran?” His voice came out broken. “He ruined everything, he ruined my life… And-”

Ornstein was interrupted by a sudden sob. His knees were shaking, announcing they were going to fail him soon, and he ended up sitting in the stairs to not embarrass himself further. Giving a pitiful display was the last thing he wanted to do, but the tears, once they started to wet his face, couldn’t be stopped anymore. They have been hidden for too long now.

“Why didn’t you trust me?” He sobbed. “Why did you think I was a threat? After everything… I thought I meant nothing to you… I was so…”

Lonely. 

Ornstein didn’t say it aloud, he wouldn’t dare to admit it. But Ciaran knew that was the word caught in his throat. Immediately, she was on her knees, hugging him by the neck. Her mask discarded to not look like the assassin who has been tormenting him the past weeks. 

“I don’t know,” she said in a strangled voice. “He was so important to you… That I… I thought you would do anything for him. But now I see it, you were the one he played the most with.”

It was the first time she saw Ornstein crying. And she wouldn't have thought that it would hurt so bad, especially when she has taken a part in his suffering. His hands clinged the leather of her armor’s back in a desperate grab as she pulled him closer.

“I’m so sorry…” Ciaran said with teary eyes. She tried to contain them, but it was too much, seeing Ornstein crying like that was too much. In the blink of an eye, the tears were running down her cheeks. “I won’t let you alone, never again.” 

Those words made Ornstein’s heart shrunk. At that point, he couldn’t care anymore that Ciaran was watching him. His crying was an ugly mess of tears, snot and sobs. It was the worst pain he has ever felt in his life, so worse that not even crying felt enough, he wanted to scream, to punch and kick the statue. He was clinging at Ciaran as his life depended on it. He feared that she would turn her back against him once more. He feared that maybe everything was a farce to make him spill every secret. He didn’t want her to leave. He needed his friend. He needed her to trust him again.

Everything was overwhelming. He wanted to forget everything.

“I hate him,” Ornstein whimpered.

She nodded, “I know.”

“And... I miss him.”

“I know…”

As much as it pained her to see Ornstein crying, Ciaran wiped the tears from her face for she needed to recollect herself. She needed to stay calm now, for him. Then, she grabbed his face in both of her hands, wiping some tears with gloved thumbs.

“We can stay here as much as you want,” she murmured in a smooth voice. “Take all the time you need, I won’t go anywhere.”

Ornstein nodded slowly, all puffy eyes and shaky lips. At the sight, Ciaran’s eyes watered again, but she swallowed down the lump in her throat and let out a pained sigh.

He hid his face in her shoulder, but Ciaran didn’t complain. The tears and snot coating the cloth of her armor weren’t as important as him. She knew that he needed a place to hide, to let out all his sadness without being judged or watched for once. 

She was willingly to give that place to him, it was the least she could do now.


End file.
